I have not written much in the past few days. I have been tired and honestly, lazy. That is what it really boils down to, laziness. Yesterday I spent all day watching a Buffy the Vampire Slayer marathon. Then ended up in a bad mood. The day before I spent eating and trying to get a stupid game to play. I didn’t have time to write because I was too busy avoiding it.
Last night I realized something that made so much sense. The past few days I have been grumpy and tired. I could say it was from being bored and not getting enough sleep. I could blame it on my ankle hurting so bad I didn’t want to do anything but sleep. I could even blame it on my PCOS which can cause fatigue. But then I had to own up to the truth.
The truth is, I am a writer. It’s not something that I do just because I like it. I love writing, but I HAVE to write. Anyone that claims they are a writer and lack the NEED to write may need to call writing a hobby. For me, writing is not a hobby, it is a part of my life that I can not live without.
When I have time to write I am in a much better mood. I am happy and joyful. I don’t have words floating around in my head creating headaches and stress, because I had time to put those words on paper.
Why have I been so grumpy the past few days? Because I have not been writing. I have been neglecting my fingers the joy of flittering across the keyboard, creating that wonderful click clack noise and releasing the voices of the people in my head. The words come flying out like a caged bird who just figured out how to open the door. It is a freedom that I have tried to deny most of my life.
I am a better person, happier person when I write. Sure, I have been writing a blog everyday this month, but that isn’t enough for me. I have to write until I am exhausted. There are some days that I actually have to take a nap after I finish writing because my mind has been thoroughly and happily diminished.
I often wonder if I can really call myself a writer. What really makes a person a writer? And I wonder if I am just wasting my time dreaming of a day when people are actually able to read my word and live in the worlds of my mind. I worry that the world will laugh at me. But then I go a few days without writing and I remember why I love it so much. I remember why it is my passion and my dream, not just something I do on the fly.
What makes a person a writer? The need and desire to write fantastical stories that pull in a persons soul and keeps them there forever.
NaNoWriMo Update: 48,227 But I’m still writing today. I plan to hit 50,000 today.