Stuck in a Funk

The past few days have been a little rough…actually the last week has been rough.  Nothing intense has happened.  Nothing exciting.  I’m just stressed and in a dark place.  It was just last week that I posted a blog about fighting my demons.  I thought I had broke through the fog, but it seems that my demons are fighting a little harder this time.

I have been extremely tired and just very unmotivated.  I am up all night fighting panic attacks that are caused just by the thought of going to bed.  Then I am fighting to stay up all day when all I can think about is how tired I am.

It’s funny too, because when I get this way I do dumb things, like signing up for dating sites.  It’s so bad this time that I actually paid for a dating site.

I get up at some point in the morning to take the puppy out for a potty break, then end up back in bed.  I try to do other things, but my fatigue wins out every time.  I will sit at my desk and stare at the screen, waiting for some kind of energy to settle in and give me some kind of spark.

I will lay in bed all day thinking how I should take a shower, go outside and play with the puppy, do some writing, or…anything.  I just have to get out of my bed, but it feels like it would take a tornado lifting me out of bed and throwing me to get me going.

I don’t know what this feeling is or why I can’t seem to fight it this time.  I feel like I am losing a battle.  I even find it hard to know what day it is anymore.  The only thing I have been able to do is blog…and that is done at random times during the day.

I have been trying to find things to keep me going, to get me excited for life again, but I am just so lost.  I wonder if it has to do with me being unemployed, or the fact that I just don’t feel like I have anything to offer anyone or any job.  I am feeling useless and unproductive, and I have no reason to feel this way.

The worst thing, I haven’t even been reading as much!! My favorite thing in the world and I haven’t been doing it!

I have got to get myself out of this hole that I have fallen in.  It’s dark and there is no light, but I can feel the walls.  Dirt walls.  The kind that can be easily dug away to create foot holds to climb out.  I just don’t have the energy to move.

 

2 thoughts on “Stuck in a Funk

  1. Juan Zung says:

    Hang in there, Heather. As you well know, unemployment can be extremely taxing on the human psyche. You and I both could probably cite a litany of studies correlating depression & anxiety disorders with unemployment. But it’s probably just as convincing to talk about personal experiences. For me, my periods of unemployment and under-employment have been a mixed bag. Sometimes I’ve felt nearly manic in my inspiration and freedom to pursue what I’m passionate about. But many, many other times I’ve been in a fog of feeling worthless and afraid. I wish I had some wise words to wrap this little reply in. Maybe just Don’t Give Up and, for God’s sake, Read!

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